There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
