If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
