I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
