I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
