I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
