Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
