i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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