Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
