it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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