East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
