were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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