why didn't you poke me back
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
