I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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