she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
