is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
