just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
