I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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