On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
