so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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