Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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