What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
