I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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