In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
