Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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