Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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