You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
