oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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