can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
