No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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