did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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