How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
