When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
