I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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