Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
