I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
