Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
