I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
