First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think my cat just said my name.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
