Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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