I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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