what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
