oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am available for nakedness
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
