therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
