I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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