He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
