he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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