its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
where are my eyebrows?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
