he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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