you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
