What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
