I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
