just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
