How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
