I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
