sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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