You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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