My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
