It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
